Poor Terrell has called home to too many tears this week. There is something about hearing his voice on the phone that signals “collapse”, in the same way that my dad showing up early this morning, with Gatorade for Chad who threw up throughout the night, evoked immediate tears from this tired mama. The sight, or voice, or presence of someone who fits the role of “care giver” to my deepest needs exposes my neediness and invites those tears.
For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:5
Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”…LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure…Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:1-2, 5, 9-11
Why do I assume the “day of trouble” only means a midieval battle field or something newsworthy? And why do I feel the soul care I really need is not available at all moments from my loving heavenly Father through Jesus the way I expect my husband or parents to meet my bottomless needs? The deception from the Garden onward has been that God is not for us, or able to help us, or willing to really meet the deepest needs of our weak estate. So, what follows naturally is that we must do it ourselves, grab for the “personal self care” ourselves. I begin to demand it from people around me who themselves have realized and unrealized needs for care and nurture themselves. While God gives us the body of believers to live with and love, He gives us Himself first and yet I look to Him last. May I hear His voice, look into His eyes and know His presence as that place of collapse, of safety and the source of care for the deepest weariness of my soul. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19